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Summerall: Reality is relative

February 22, 2013

With the marvelous insanity brought on by reality television, (I personally think the phrase is an oxymoron) it was bound to open the field to the eccentric among us. From people who spend 40 days in a remote location trying to survive on rice, coconuts and whatever food they can win in challenges. (I’m sorry. This is not surviving, this is The Price is Right.) Or racing around the world jumping out of airplanes and eating a plateful of squid that is not only still moving but looking at you. None of this resembles reality.
For people like myself, you can find Ghost Hunters or Ghost Adventures or Hauntings in different places and states. I like ghost stories. I’m just wired up that way.
Now for those who don’t care for ghost hunting and like to stay a little closer to stories they heard as a kid, there is Finding Bigfoot. In almost every state there are tales of the big hairy creature who roams the woods. There are a group of people who go not only all around the U.S. but get to travel abroad, being PAID to go “Squatchin.” Almost all of them claim to have had an encounter with the elusive Sasquatch and are in pursuit of filming one. They do Sasquatch mating screams, knock on trees and sometimes throw parties in the woods where Bigfoot has been spotted. For some reason, these people think that if you throw a party, he will come.
Then we move on to the “Preppers.” These people all agree that the end of the world is at hand, they just can’t agree on how its going to happen. You have the “Economic Collapse” people who have storage units buried in the ground filled with canned and dried food, firearms, ammunition, water, and assorted booze. They think this will be what starving people will want to barter for. The “Electronic Pulse” preppers who think all the cars, computers, tv’s, cell phones and anything that runs on electricity will be knocked out. They move up to the mountains and stockpile the same stuff as the Economic Collapse people. You also find Earthquake People, Asteroid to Destroy the Planet People, all stockpiling the same stuff and doing exactly the same thing for different reasons. Nobody seems to be preparing for my own personal favorite, The Zombie Apocalypse.
While watching an episode of “Prepping” I heard Kenny laughing and then he yelled for me.
“Ok, they have finally crossed the line,” he said while pausing the television to show me something interesting. “They are now mixing prepping with ghosts.”
These people (I prefer to call them doofuses) had started prepping and moved across the country because a “ghost” had visited the women and told her they needed to find somewhere else to live and be safe. Her spirit guide showed them an enormous mansion and told them to buy it. They did. Because a ghost told them to. I wonder if it was the ghost of a real estate agent.
All they need now is for the Finding Bigfoot team to come up on a preppers buried booze supply and throw a real party. Maybe Bigfoot will finally show up and bring along some zombies.

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