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Summerall: Musing on St. Nick

December 1, 2012

When I was small I was terrified of Santa Claus. I refused to go anywhere near him at the stores, even though he usually tried to entice children to sit on his lap with a candy cane.
I’m grown now and the more I think about it, the shadier this Santa character gets. First of all, little kids are told to never talk to strangers. There is no mention of unless he has a long white beard and a red suit. We were also told to never take candy from strangers. This Santa guy always has has candy and seems to defy all the rules in order to get little kids to sit on his lap. Hmmmmm.
I distinctly remember Santa in a little building outside of Woolco in Columbus. (Woolco was Walmart before Walmart put them out of business in the 80’s) He really didn’t seem all that interested in me, my mother was the object of his attention. He kept trying to coax her in the little building to sit on his lap and tell him what she wanted for Christmas. This was the first inkling I had that Santa had ulterior motives. Now I was aware that Santa didn’t bring presents to grown ups and I really didn’t think my dad would be too happy with Santa trying to pick up my mom. When we got home and I filled him in on what had gone on, he laughed. I was appalled. I thought he should have gone down there and punched Santa in the nose. I had no thought at that time that an altercation between my dad and the Jolly Old Elf might not have boded well for me Christmas morning. I thought about that later, on Christmas Eve.
Years later Santa was at it again at the mall in Columbus. This time he was surrounded by elves. Now these were not your normal elves. Little guys who love to make toys, oh no. These elves were female and had legs as long as me. One of these so-called elves had been a cocktail waitress at Bonnie and Clydes. My husband called her by name. It was not a holly-jolly Christmas for him that year.
Think about it though..he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. He sounds like someone who needs a temporary restraining order to me. He goes around to people’s houses in the middle of night. He doesn’t even have a key. He comes in your house and eats your cookies. That is wrong on so many levels.
Now he has a different approach. He makes YOU pay for your kids to sit on his lap and have their picture taken! This man is a criminal genius. But I’m on to him. His face is plastered everywhere this time of year. Approach him with caution. Especially if he offers you a candy cane to sit on his lap.

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