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Dealing with the loss of a child at Christmas

December 18, 2012

This is not an easy subject to talk about at any time of year, but Christmas seems the most difficult time to try and wrap our minds around this while trying to deal with all of the“Whys.”
Seven years after loosing our son, we still have never found that answer, and after reading books and all of the prayer we will never know that most wanted answer to that question.
All of our children are to live beyond us. This is the natural order of things, right? As I have seen it,..... that natural order just flew out my window for our family, the family’s we have met and sadly now for the precious 20 children who were shot in cold blood at their own school, a place where little ones are to feel safe.
That senseless act now leaves parents, family, siblings, grandparents asking “why?”
My heart, like many of yours aches from this story that happened last Friday Morning. We may never understand what really took place, and I believe we don’t want to go there. I sat in Mass Saturday night, and my thought went to the sweet Angels who are with our children we lost.
I have no doubt the little ones will be held and comforted by God. I worry about the parents who have lost their babies, and so close to Christmas. Gifts have been bought for the children, and they have by now decorated the family Christmas tree and the house.
Their stockings have been hung for such a joyous day, December the 25th. I know the pain of loosing a child in a car accident, but I cannot wrap my mind around a child/children being murdered by such a senseless act!
This was a person out to destroy families and make them suffer the most painful Grief they will ever know and feel on this on this earth.
My memories flood back to the dreadful day of standing in front of a large room of caskets, a caskets to place our son in at the young age of five. I was numb. I felt nonexistent, and I could not breathe.
I was under water trying to scream but could not. I could not even hear myself think. I saw one little white casket in the front and chose it to be the one for our son’s resting place. Parents should never have to do this. With the loss of the children and adults this past Friday morning my heartfelt grief goes out to the families who are in pain and have no answers.
If I could, I’d reach out to all the families and classmates and hold them to me, hold them all near to me and never let them go. But most of all I so wish I could take this suffering away, but I understand I can’t take their pain away. However, we need to find a way to reach out as a community to show them that “they are not alone!”
Christmas is such a hard time of year for us parents who lost a child to death. Sometimes we hear their little voice in our are grieving hearts. I know I have this Christmas. I am to relax and enjoy the True meaning of Christmas and not get caught up in all the retail shopping and the stress of making sure everything is done on time like I did in the past.
No, remember why we have this Holiday. Christ was born, and we celebrate His birth. Trust me. This is not easy while we are grieving. If you feel you can not send cards of jolly, put the tree up, decorate your home, or any other traditions you did In the past....This is not the end of the world! Take your time. If you normally have or go to diner parties, your true friends will understand you completely. If you need someone who can relate to you who has been in your shoes, pick up the phone and call that person. We will understand, and hold you so softly, gentle, and allow you to express your pain and grief.
Another thing about Christmas traditions is that our family came together and made some new traditions.
I’ll share this one with you. Our son Kevin’s Birthday is November the 30th. So to remember Kevin, as a family we now put the tree up and decorate the house on Kevin’s Birthday. It’s a happy time for us to do something special on Kevin’s Birthday. We have done this for seven years, and his brother and sister, now teens enjoy this tradition. Feel free to come up with ones that will help you get through the grieving and loss at the Holiday and Christmas time.
Lets remember the little children who lost their lives Friday morning and their special families. My heart goes out to them, and my family prays they find some comfort in there time of this massive Grief!
Love you all, Have a meaningful Christmas, and may God bless you all.
If you need someone to talk you through the Christmas Season, e-mail me, you can stay anonymous, our conversations are personal.
Merry Christmas, Bernadette McTaggart and Family

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